Due to multigenerational traumas, there has been a lack of balance in relationships within the Afrakan community. Although it is known and clear that the Black Man is for the Black Woman and vice versa, there is still conflict within Afrakan households.
Instead of pure relationships based on soulful connections, we follow the guidelines of romance/rome-Antics as well as a flawed Westernized view of feminine and masculine energies. Though it is difficult to admit, both Black Men + Black Women play a role in the emasculation of Men and the degradation of Women in relationships. Sometimes, it is without any forethought.
*I use ‘Afrakan/Afrikan’ and ‘Black’ interchangeably. The statistics are in relation to the demographics of the United States.
Why Are We Breaking Up?
I. Economic Hardships
II. Education + Ego
III. Increasing Incarceration Rates
IV. Creation of Gender Hierarchy + Destructive Imagery
V. Feminism + Absolute Independence
VI. The myth of Disloyalty
Unemployment in the Black Population
As shown on BlackDemographics, “…the US Census Bureau [stated] the Black male population in the United States was 21.5 Million in 2013.” Forty-eight percent of the total Black population is of Black Men, compared to Black Women who make up 52% of the Black population. Out of the Black Male population, 11% are unemployed compared to 9.6% of Black Women 1. Although the saying goes “money is not everything”, financial disputes are the third leading cause of divorce (Institute for Divorce Financial Analysis, 2012). Kansas State University researcher, Sonya Britt, found that “arguments about money [are] by far the top predictor of divorce” (Britt, 2012). Black Women and Black Men are disputing over an economy they do not have any control over, yet have an extremely large potential in power, with a 1.1 trillion spending dollar. It is imperative for Black Men and Black Women to direct their spending habits together and within the Black community.
Through various conversations with Black Men, intimate and platonic relationships alike, the common issue in their relationships with Black Women has been financial difficulties. Although Men dominate in higher ranking job placements, for every 100 Black Female employees, there are only 83 potential Black Male employees 2. What does this mean? Although both Black Men + Black Women are at a disadvantage under the psychosis of white malignancy, Black Women are more likely to be employed than Black Men. Even with this, Black Men make about $666/week compared to Black Women making $610/week, as of 2013, but the question remains: who is more likely to be employed? Money is, unfortunately, the key to comfortable living. Without a stable source of income, it is difficult, but not impossible, to have shelter, food and a place to rest.
Based on 98,000 interviews conducted by Gallup-Healthways Well-Being Index, it was found that “Black Men under the age of 35 have a Well-Being Index score that is at least one point lower than all other groups…” Also in this finding, it’s shown that young Men under the age of 35 have 1) higher unemployment, 2) lower graduation rates 3) less access to healthcare and 3) higher incarceration rates than other racial and gender groups.
Afrakan-owned businesses are rapidly increasing, and of that the women-owned business markets are six times higher than the national average. A study by the American Association of University Women found that Afrakan women made 90% of their partner’s wages in 2012. Black Women have, unintentionally, taken the role of the Black Man to provide for their families and have caused some insecurity in the household, where 53.3% of Afrakan women are considered “breadwinners” (American Progress, 2013).
Because Afrakans have been indoctrinated into a Westernized/Christianized culture, it is culturally accepted for Afrakan Men to be the only source of income in the household. However, with the roles being reversed, Afrakan Women are becoming the head of the Household, although this is not strange in modern Afrakan matriarchs, where many of the women in Afrakan tribes would be the main hunters (i.e. Aka people of the Kongo). Although it is becoming normalized for Black Women to be the head of the household, that concept is a key reason in the destruction of Black relationships, still, we are not under a matriarch, as some would like to believe. We are suffering from cultural misorientation (CM according to Dr. Kobi Kambon), which models european patriarchs. Black Women have no power over Black Men, but they are given a false increase of opportunity in a white world. Relationships should be a partnership and not a shift of power to one side; a balance is needed to heal the wounds.
Black women are victims of white malignancy/ psychosis just as much as Black Men are. Black Women go through societal pressures and internal battles. It is known that the way into a family is through the Woman. Because of that, it is necessary for Black Men + Black Women to find ways to share responsibility in regards to tending to family and economic needs, instead of using the blame-game. Our focus should not be finding employment but creating employment. Creating self-owned businesses that are family oriented is a way how partners can share responsibility for having a stable income for their families.
College Education + Unbalanced Egos
Black Women are leading in higher education. According to The Journal of Blacks in Higher Education, Black Women earn 2/3 of Bachelor degrees, 70% of Master degrees and more than 60% of Doctoral degrees 3. Although there is a gender gap in higher education, it is still considerably smaller than the national (United States) average. It is predicted that by 2018, 60% of employment will need a college degree (Projection of Jobs and Education Requirements Through 2018, Georgetown University, 2010). Because Black Women are more likely to have a college education, they will also be more likely to have employment in the future.
In a study by the Social Mobility Memo of The Brookings Institution, it was found that college-educated Black Women are least likely to have college-educated spouse 4. Unfortunately, Black Men are the second least likely to have a college education, however Afrakan Women are also least likely to engage in interracial marriages. In an interview with TIME Magazine, Stanford Law professor Ralph Richard Banks states the following:
Two Afri[k]an American women graduate from college for every one Afri[k]an American male. Despite this imbalance, there is still enormous social pressure on Black Women to only marry Black Men — to “sustain” the race and build strong Black families. And this means marrying Black Men even if they are less educated or earn less money. In short, no matter the personal cost, Black Wom[e]n are encouraged [d] to marry “down” before they marry “out.”
What this is saying, although Black Women look for similarities in educational background, they are still loyal to the Black Men, regardless of how much or how little indoctrination he’s been through. Still, in a world where intelligence and capabilities are falsely determined by the amount of education one has, Black Women have their egos stroked by corporate America. I remember overhearing a conversation with Ghanaian-immigrants, discussing the importance of education. In the conversation, it was shared that some Black Women feel more important and more valuable than Black Men because of their ability to provide, yet Black Men still prefer an educated woman. I have once preferred in the past to be with a Black Man who has a bachelor’s degree or higher. I’ve learned with that unfair criteria, I have ignored the thousands of Black Men who are either 1) too intelligent for indoctrination camps or 2) restricted by modern jim-crow laws to even take part in such conditioning. The key is to remove ego from relationships and instead work together in self-education, rather than approval from white America.
Modern Lynching + Plantation
1.5 million Black Men have “disappeared” from their families; this does not include police brutality cases and couple disputes. There is an attack on Black Women and Black Men alike, where over 65,000 Black Women have also been reported missing since 2010. There is a misconception that Jim Crow laws are over and done, however, with ridiculous amounts of Black Men being kidnapped and thrown into prison for minuscule charges such as drug possession, it gives a ghastly reminder of Black Men being lynched, castrated and burned for even laughing near white “spaces”.
“The Census estimates that approximately 18,508,926 people in the U.S. population are Black males, of all ages…The Bureau of Justice Statistics’ National Prisoner Statistics Program reports that in that same year, 526,000 were in state or federal prisons, and, as of mid-year 2013, 219,660 were in local jails, making for a total of about 745,000 behind bars”
Although whites are 5 times more likely to use drugs, Afrakans are imprisoned for drug offenses at 10 times the rate of whites. The NAACP states Afrakans make up 12% of the total population of drug users, but 38% of Afrakans are arrested for drug offenses. Fifty-nine percent of those in state prison for a drug offense practically serve as much time in prison for a drug offense (58.7 months) as whites do for a violent offense (61.7 months) (Sentencing Project). The “War On Drugs” is a direct attack on Afrakan population, a eugenics program initiated by Dick Nixon in 1971. Nixon disgustingly increased the size and presence of federal drug control agencies. He also introduced mandatory sentencing and no-knock warrants. Nixon placed marijuana in the ‘Schedule One’ class, the most restrictive class of drugs. According to the Office of National Drug Policy, the U.S. federal government spent over $15 billion dollars in 2010 on the War on Drugs, at a rate of about $500 per second 5.
With Black Men being put in camps, being murdered and kidnapped, Black Women are forced to not only be the head of the household but the only parental influence in their families. Black children need both Black Mothers and Black Fathers present in the home. We can now see how an imbalance of feminine energy can destruct the psychological development of children, where there has been an increase of anti-sexuality, perversion in identity and sexual behavior.
Gender-based Competition: The Emasculation of Black Men + Degrading Black Women
There should be no hint of competition between Black Men and Black Women. Black Men, although may not feel they hold any power over Black Women, still engage in misogynistic acts, where Black Men expect Black Women to be the sole care-taker of the household, continuously refer to Black Women as “bitches” or “hoes”, as Black Women refer to Black Men as “niggas” and other demeaning slurs. As stated earlier, we are both under the control of white psychosis, so the need for competitive behavior is as destructive as the defamation of character of Afrakans by eurasians. Whether it is Black Men pimping out Black Women, using them as bait during drug and weapon-related heist, it is the sole responsibility of the Black Men to uphold, empower and respect the Black Woman, regardless of how she may be presented in the public.
Emasculation of the Black Man, unfortunately, is not new. During the Atlantic enslavement of Afrakans, his role of being the provider and protector of his family was taken away. His family was often forcibly torn from his arms and to be moved to an unknown area, never to be reunited again. When you take a man’s freedom, you take away his manhood. When you take a man’s ability to provide and to protect, you emasculate him. To emasculate is to:
- make (a person, idea, or piece of legislation) weaker or less effective.
- deprive (a man) of his male role or identity
- castrate (a man or male animal)
Although all Black Men are not in physical chains (those outside of prison) and have been “granted” so-called freedom, they are emasculated in modernized ways where 1) they are told they have limited options in life (sports, music, prison or death) or 2) to be successful, they must engage in roles of perversion (Black male pornographic actors engaging in anti-sexual acts) or humiliation (cross-dressing + modern Buck Dancing). Balanced masculinity, passionate, ardent + confident men are shot down – whether symbolically in a film or in the Flesh [See article on the Emasculation of Men in Media]. We are no longer to have Black Men be Black Men as influences in our communities, where we promote the emasculation of men in theatre, in athletics (hinting the promotion of transgender) and other entertainment. Men who are confident in their masculinity are to have rumors of an imbalance or perversion (Malcolm x). Black men are being conditioned to believe that his worth is only determined by his aggressiveness. This limits the Black Man’s ability to express all sides of his masculinity. Manhood is now determined solely by his ability to do physical activity. Because this is so limited, some, but not all, Black Men are torn between hyper-masculinity or little to none expression of masculinity. The latter is promoted more in media, where Black male celebrities are being congratulated on their Westernized views on masculinity. Both Black Women and Black Men emasculate Black Men when they do not reach societal expectations, although it is due to social barriers. When a Black Man is unable to provide, he is deemed less of a man by both his partner and the men around him. When a Black Man (and Black Woman) is insulted due to his economic or social status, his manhood is ripped from his body, as if he is being sodomized in front of his family (See Diary of a Negress article on Buck Breaking).
Black women are also in a whirlpool of suppressed and poisoned expression of femininity. Although Black Women are not generally masculated, they are instead exploited for their talents, physical attributes and their nature of passion and determination. The Black woman is the Black Matter of the Universe. As she holds the Universe together, she is also the glue in the Black family. Although all Black Women are creators and creatives, artistically inclined Black Women are harshly advised to sexually exploit themselves. As we’ve seen in the past with Lil’ Kim’s liberating genre of Hip-Hop, we are on a new level of degrading Black Women. Women are allowed to express themselves in a way that is comfortable for them. Nudity is a natural thing but has been used and abused for the profit of corporate America, as we see now in music videos and other social media videos. Because it is under the guise of black feminism, and some would say womanism, it is subtly accepted to promote such imagery.
Strong Independent Black Women
Black Women carry the world on their shoulders, the Universe in their arms, and all the cosmos in their belly. They are to bring life and take it away. They have seen the beginning of time and can see the future. And still, they are mistreated and some believe to be undervalued. The imagery of Black Women being God is, fortunately, being promoted on social media, but needs to be broadcasted across the world. Because of lack of appreciation and support, some Black Women turn to feminism (See article on Black Feminism). When a partner or spouse disappears, is kidnapped, murdered or absent in other ways, the Black Woman depends on herself and her sister, as she always has and should. However, the absence of the Black man creates unintentional resentment, which stems from enslaved Black Women being raped by beastly slavers in front of their families. Black Women being ripped apart with their child still in their womb, and the Black Man unable to stop this from happening. Now Black women take part of “feminism’ and in turn emasculate Black Men by accepting the role as “Mother and Father”. Sometimes the Black Woman denies the Black Man from his own family, because of preconceived notions of what he is or is not able to do. Feminism has promoted the idea of a “strong independent” woman, erasing the need to be in a relationship and partnership with the opposite sex, the Black Man. Women now constrict Black Men from being men by 1) “babying” him (treating him like a child, no set goals or expectations for the family) 2) disallowing him to provide like a Man (denying his part of building). Black Women need to remind Black Men what they want and need as Black Men need to listen without negative criticism. But we also need to remember the cause of such limitations of Black Men and Black women – we are not the enemy.
Black Women love Black Men … and vice versa
Because of “memes” and other things we now call entertainment, there is a misconception that Black Men and Black Women do not love each other. Many Black Men do not only prefer Black Women but insist and deny any other Woman to be with. Although there are some instances of Black Men who are tricked into believing stolen characteristics of perfection is just as good as original, I for one have never personally met a Black Man who has preferred any other race other than his own. Black Men provide, protect and care for their Black Woman and their families. America only promotes the image of destructive Black Men, which confuses the minds who watch them.
Black Woman are the biggest fans, protectors, and supporters of Black Men. In cases of police brutality and other acts of injustices, the Black Woman is always the first in line to attempt to correct the behavior and obtain justice, by the means they seem fit. Black Women want and need Black men in their lives, as Black Men want and need Black Women.
Although interracial “relationships” are being highly promoted now, according to Black Demographics “… only 7% of married Black men had White (non-Hispanic) spouses in 2014. About 14% percent of African American men married non-Black or Hispanic women in 2014.” 6 Black men are loved for their resilience against injustices, their creativity to make do with what they have and what they can get, their street and academic intellect, their protective nature around Black women and ability to heal and comfort her, as she is forever in mobility and stress.
Black Women see Black Men as the Gods that they are and treat them as such. As the Black Man does kneel in the presence of God, the Black woman also submits in the presence of the Father of Civilization. Black Love is a beautiful, necessary thing and it does exist, no matter how much the public tries to contradict.